I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
