So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
