I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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