Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
