You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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