Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
