He kissed a someone with a penis
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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