I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
