remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
