So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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