so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
