Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
