oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
