She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We are two peas in an std pod
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
