make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
