I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize