my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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