Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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