oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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