found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Who died my cat blue again?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
