ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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