wat bout pragnant strippers??
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
