You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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