I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
