To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
