sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize