This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
