Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
soo... how was my night?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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