Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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