My room smells like vodka and shame
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize