well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
