If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
