Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Small penises have feelings too.
Four minutes until I can fart!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
