Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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