Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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