I wish I could punch you in the face.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
