I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize