I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
