Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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