i think my tv is drunk
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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