I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
