you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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