Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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