shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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