If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
