guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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