I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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