why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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