pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
