the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
