i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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