this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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