chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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