I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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