toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
