omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Small penises have feelings too.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
