i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
