we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
