conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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