so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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