So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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