dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
