New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
