Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
