He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
