A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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