I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
