nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
