I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
