literally had 100 drinks last night.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well I just put wine in my tea
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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