Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
