So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
