found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm passing your future prison.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
