Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
