how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
