Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize