i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
