We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
